Last place :( the Caramel Brulee Latte

Sucks to suck, Caramel Brulee. I don’t care how many accents are in your name, or how fancy you purport yourself to be. You sicken me.

When I drink the caramel brulee latte, first I slurp the whipped cream. Ideally loud enough for all to hear. I munch and I crunch on the caramel brulee topping (sugary crystal things), and then I want to go back home. I feel, in my heart of hearts, that when I drink the caramel brulee latte, I am drinking straight syrup. Caramel Brulee is supposed to be a combo of caramel and creme brulee, and this differentiates it from a regular caramel latte. Now, I like sweet drinks, but I get tired of this drink just a few sips in. The sweetness overpowers everything else and just leaves me feeling like I need a vegetable.

Fifth Place: Sugar Cookie Almondmilk Latte

Hey babes. You were new to the scene I believe two years ago (I’m sitting in class and refuse to fact check right now), yet you have not made the ascent to be considered truly delicious. I give the sugar cookie almondmilk latte mad props, because the pairing of blond espresso with almondmilk is unique and leaves the drink feeling lighter and less overwhelming than a lot of Starbucks drinks (I’m looking at you, mocha). However, any alleged flavor of sugar cookie is a mere farce.

Yes, this latte uses buffoonery and horseplay. I can’t grasp a distinct flavor from this latte besides “oh that’s almondmilk.” Does this drink have flavor? Debatable.

Fourth Place: Gingerbread Latte

The gingerbread latte was actually the second ever holiday drink debuted at Starbucks. It was introduced in 2000, discontinued in 2019, and revived for 2023. It is technically the oldest currently offered holiday drink if you ignore the discontinue thing (the first drink, the eggnog latte, was discontinued after it's debut in the 80s). I was actually struggling with where to put this little guy; he kept switching with the peppermint mocha. But ultimately, the peppermint mocha has to be in the top three (I don’t make the rules; you may think I do, but I don’t. I just adhere to what the coffee gods tell me to do. They whisper in my ear the way they want things to go, and I mindlessly transcribe their desires. I’ the coffee prophet. The coffproph.)

This gingerbread latte just didn’t give. It was giving latte, but if you blindfolded me, made me sip this, and asked me to tell you what the flavor was, I couldn’t be able to tell you. Which is wild because gingerbread is a really specific flavor. This wouldn’t be as big of a problem if it were delicious enough to compensate. But it was just kind of blegh. I have nothing more to say. Leave, gingerbread.

THIRD PLACE: Chestnut Praline Latte

The chestnut praline latte was conceptualized in 2012 and it fully debuted in America in 2014, though I fell in love with it last year. The topping is probably my favorite drink topping at Starbucks: it’s like a crunchy granola-like texture with a nutty flavor. It’s delicious and I would eat it by itself if given the opportunity.

I actually originally put it in second place, but ultimately it fell to third for one important reason: I cannot testify that this drink tastes like chesnuts. The drink is nutty, more toward the end than at the beginning, but I wouldn’t really be able to discern this from some of Starbucks standard lattes if asked. It’s delicious, but the topping carries, and it has made its way to third with the help of the inadequacy of other drinks. I say this with love in my heart, because this is still one of my favorite holiday drinks from Starbucks, but I am being rational.

SECOND PLACE: Peppermint Mocha

Tis the mother forking season. The peppy moch debuted in 2002, making it older than me :( and honestly, just as cool.

The peppy moch is not for everyone. You need to retain a sort of childlike wonder to enjoy this drink - a time-tested tolerance for sugar. Sometimes a grande pushes my limits and I need to opt for a tall. However, the peppy moch is a beautiful staple. In my opinion, it’s the closest thing winter has to a PSL, in fact, the success of the peppy moch made the PSL possible (for more info on the PSL’s rise, check this out). As the big sister, the peppy moch has some baggage (namely, 54 grams of sugar), but she is generally put together. Peppermint and chocolate is the perfect pairing, and consequently, she sits proudly at second place. As time goes on, other holiday drinks will rise and fall in quality, but the peppy moch will never crumble. God bless.

FIRST PLACE: Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai

Tis the year of the chai!!! Starbucks has been on a chai kick; in fall 2023, they debuted the pumpkin cream chai, a wonderful drink infused with crack (dear lawyers: I’m kidding).

Now, we get the blessing of the gingerbread oatmilk chai. The iced version of this drink really blows my socks off. Gingerbread combines with chai (a mix of black tea and a yummy blend of spices feat. cinammon and cardamom) and oatmilk to make the standout of the season . The struggles of the gingerbread latte, with an imperceptible flavor, are kind of solved here (emphasis on kind of). Chai is a good complement to gingerbread, though I must admit the chai infringes upon the gingerbread, overpowering her a bit. Chai is an ENFP, she has things to say and she loves to talk and when she was younger she spoke over others a lot and honestly she’s getting a lot better at giving others room to speak and she’s sorry that she just gets excited sometimes and-

Right. So anyways. Despite the power imbalance between the gingerbread and the chai, this seems to be the right place for gingerbread to go. Alone, gingerbread falters. Maybe the real gingerbread was the friends we made along the way.

Starbucks union news first flooded the headlines in 2021, when, on August 23rd, 50 Starbucks workers in Buffalo, NY announced their intention to unionize1 Since then, hundreds of Starbucks stores moved to unionize, with heavy retaliation from the corporate giant2. To date, 378 Starbucks stores have filed to unionize with Starbucks Workers United, and 291 stores have won union elections3. The 100th store to unionize was a location in Seattle, the birthplace of Starbucks4.

In response to this movement, interim CEO Howard Schultz has engaged in various union-busting activities over the years, from closing pro-union stores, spying on and firing pro-union employees, and granting raises and benefits to employees in non-union stores5.

As a result, Starbucks has been cited with over 900 violations of federal labor law by the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB).

On March 1, 2023, Judge Michael Rosas of the NLRB heard over 200 complaints of unfair labor practices brought by Starbucks Workers United on behalf of Starbucks stores in Buffalo, NY. Rosas found Starbucks engaged in “egregious and widespread” misconduct by violating the National Labor Relations Act hundreds of times6. He ordered Sbux to rehire and compensate 7 unlawfully fired workers, bargain with the union at a few locations, and reopen a location it closed as a response to union activity7. Rosas also ordered Schultz to read or be present during a reading of the Notice to Employees and an Explanation of Rights to employees in the Buffalo-area stores.

In fact, Schultz is set to testify on this matter before the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee (HELP), chaired by Senator Bernie Sanders, on March 298.

Sanders and Starbucks initially engaged in a battle over who’s to testify. Sanders has been set on acquiring testimony from Schultz, declaring that “Mr. Schultz has made it clear that he is the driving force of labor policy at Starbucks.”9 Yet, Starbucks has repeatedly insisted that Schultz is not the right man to testify, offering instead to send executives like their head of public affairs. The coffee giant claims Schultz has had no involvement with decisions regarding union matters10.

After Sanders warned the company he intended to subpoena Schultz, Zabrina Jenkins, the general counsel of Starbucks, responded that Starbucks was “shocked and deeply concerned” that Schultz was being asked to testify over an executive they claim is more involved with the matter at hand11. Ultimately, Schultz agreed to testify, a decision the company made just one day before HELP was poised to vote to subpoena him to testify12.

With the hearing set for just over two weeks from now, and union demands continuing to brew throughout the country, this is another pivotal moment for labor, law, and… well, coffee.

But no, actually, the PSL is more recent in human history than you’d think, and the subsequent culture shock is shockingly novel. Was there really a time pre-pumpkin spice?

So, let’s set off on an unnecessary examination of the PSL and how profoundly it has changed our minds, bodies, and souls. I’m not even being dramatic

*cue quirky intro music*

Where did it come from?

Nowadays, you can find Pumpkin Spice anything - body wash, pet food, hand sanitizer, cookies, you name it. But this unique flavor first popped up in latte form, from our friend Starbucks. Let’s hop in a time machine back to 2003: the debut of the Starbucks PSL.

19 years ago, seasonal drinks had just barely become a thing. Riding off the success of the recently-debuted Peppermint Mocha, Starbucks sought to successfully debut a fall-themed drink. The Starbucks Liquid Lab set out on a massive flavor experiment.

Initially, Pumpkin polled at the very bottom of customers preferences, but Starbucks Director of Espresso Peter Dukes was undeterred, and he launched a flavor testing extravaganza. Infamously, employees poured espresso over pumpkin pie, experimenting with flavors trying to capture the taste in a latte. After almost 3 months of hardcore science-ing, Starbucks launched the PSL in 100 stores in the U.S.

Fun Fact: the PSL was originally called the “Autumn Harvest Latte.” It became the PSL because that was the abbreviation baristas would write on the drink cups.

The latte was an instant hit- by 2013, 200 million PSL’s were sold, making it STARBUCKS SINGLE BEST-SELLING DRINK.

Vive la Revolution

Often neglected is the fact that, before the PSL, pumpkin-flavored anything was hard to come by, if not completely non-existent. The PSL was the antecedent for every pumpkin-flavored thing we now love and cherish. Thus, it started a flavor revolution.

Before 2003, there was no such thing as a “pumpkin spice industry.” By 2018, that very industry was worth $600 million

While the flavored latte debuted almost two decades ago, it really started to takeoff around 2010. And that’s what we typically associate the latte with: the age of infinity scarves, Instagram, and the like.

Since 2000, spice brand McCormick has created a yearly Flavor Forecast: a prediction of which flavors will dominate consumer preferences that year. In 2008, Pumpkin Pie dominated the Flavor Forecast. And they were right. The following years saw a massive rise in the use of social media, and with it, #PSL, #cozy, #fall. This solidified the latte’s association with not only the season of fall, but also a very certain person. The latte became part of a uniform, in and of itself a symbol of a certain class, preference, aesthetic.

In many ways the PSL has therefore transformed Starbucks and coffee, pushing it as a symbol of class and an embodiment of an aesthetic; it’s feminine, playful, and luxurious. Think Lorelai and Rory from Gilmore Girls: coffee is not merely functional, it is a character trait, a meme, a personality. That is partly due to such phenomena like the rise of the PSL.

With it, of course, has come cultural backlash. I’m sure I don’t need to explain this too much, but as the PSL became associated with a certain type of person, they became a lightning rod for mockery. The phrase “basic bitches” comes to mind the most. It seems like an innocent latte enjoyment became an opportunity for misogynistic backlash. Girls cannot simply enjoy anything.

The future of the PSL

The PSL is as old as me, and there are hints that its popularity is far past its peak: menu mentions of the latte have gone down 10% in Starbucks; meanwhile, in 2016, while the amount of Pumpkin Spice products for sale increased 50%, sales of related products only increased 21%. This year, Starbucks debuted Apple-flavored fall menu items, while Peet’s followed this path. Maple is another flavor to rise in popularity, foiling the downfall of Pumpkin Spice.

The future of the latte is uncertain, especially when consumers require new products to pique their interest every year. Personally, I am hopping on the apple trend. What do you think? Are you still loyal to pumpkin? Or is it out with the old and in with the new?

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive with me. Have a safe and caffeinated Halloween!

Here are the websites I leaned on for this post. Explore!

• What is pumpkin spice and where did it come from? - Chicago Sun-Times (suntimes.com)

• A brief history of Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte: How the cult favorite spawned memes and moral panic | The Business of Business

• Starbucks First Pumpkin Spice Latte - Starbucks

• The History of the Pumpkin Spice Latte (spoonuniversity.com)

This was the original Starbucks logo circa 1971 (Starbucks is older than my mom. You go girlboss). The logo is, and has always been, a siren, a creature from Greek Mythology known for luring sailors to their demise. But this twin-tailed siren was luring people in for coffee! This naval theme goes beyond the logo, as Starbucks is named after a character in the novel Moby Dick, specifically the first mate, Starbuck. While these references to mythology and literature faded from our recognition, the Starbucks logo and name did not.

For the first 15 years of its existence, Starbucks sported this poopie-colored breast-displayin’ logo.

Now, our society quiet happily sexualizes women’s breasts. Topless women are not allowed in public, while men can hop skip and a jump with their shirt off. There’s a double standard, I won’t go too much into it. But my POINT is, this logo probably had an expiration date if they wanted people of all ages and cultures sportin’ a Starbucks sleeve. A redesign was inevitable.

The makeover came in 1987, when the company was bought by Howard Schultz. Schultz hired an artist who revealed… drumroll…

Now this looks more familiar, yes? Artist Terry Heckler dropped the brown for green, covered the sirens breasts, touched up the tails, and all in all morphed the logo into one fit for capitalistic dispersion.

Five years later, the logo was altered again. The logo was zoomed in, cutting off the siren’s naval and further resembling the current logo. On the dawn of Starbucks 40th anniversary, in 2008, a failed rebranding saw a black logo quickly scrapped due to backlash, leaving Starbucks tied to the “Starbucks green.”

In 2011, the words on the outside of the logo were dropped entirely, essentially Starbucks way of saying “yeah. you know who tf we are.” And that, ladies and gentleman, is the shortened journey of the Sbux logo, brought to you by a 19 year old hopped up on Mucinex.

Starbucks is an interesting phenomenon: a consequential intersection of capitalism, history, globalization, and economics. It features all the fun stuff from our world like cultural diffusion and entrepreneurism while also displaying predatory business practices and labor violations. It’s a case study of what happens when Western business practices capitalize off a drink beloved by cultures around the world for thousands of years. Is Starbucks the downfall of coffee? No. Absolutely not. But it has reinvented it. The history of coffee may very well be demarcated: pre and post siren.

It’s past my bedtime. See you later!

Like many, my first flirtation with caffeine was through Starbucks. Starbucks essentially created modern coffee “culture,” meaning it transformed imported coffee culture into an Americanized grab-and-go sugar factory, exporting this unrecognizable version back to its origins. Now, Starbucks delivers eviction notices to coffee bars in Europe. Out with the old and in with the new.

I have a morbid curiosity toward Americanization, monopolization, insert fancy verb here.

Starbucks statistics are scary, to say the least. Here’s how Starbucks has grown since my birth (you’re welcome):

All this being said, one of the reasons they dominate modern coffee culture is their excellent advertising. Thanks to Starbucks, caffeine is no longer for the espresso snobs and experts; it’s a highly customizable treat for every type of person. Instead of casually sipping a bitter espresso shot in a sit-in cafe, you can grab a venti iced white mocha with 2 pumps of caramel, salted caramel cold foam, no ice and blonde espresso. Or if you were me in 6th grade, get a caramel Frappuccino (note: milkshake) and call it a day.

The menu has thousands of combinations, ready to suit every single person. Starbucks is run by advertising geniuses. A menu for all.

Which brings us to the shaken espresso. What does it even mean? Starbucks loves to create new drinks out of thin air and make them a staple, something we cannot imagine living without. Take the Frappuccino. Introduced in the summer of 1995, this single creation accounted for 11% of Starbucks’s total sales mere months after its launch1.

I keep going on tangents. Let’s come back.

What the fork is a shaken espresso? I found myself ordering this treat in lieu of an iced latte without really understanding what it was. SO let’s take a hot minute during this bustling finals week and figure out what’s going on here.

The Starbucks shaken espresso derives its recipe from an italian beverage called the shakerato. To make a shakerato, you take some espresso, ice, and simple syrup and shake it all up to make it a bit foamy. According to science, when espresso is shaken (shook?), it chills quickly with the ice and gets a bunch of lil microbubbles churned into it, ultimately giving it its froth and lightness2.

Starbucks lovingly threw in some milk, making it a shakerato-latte hybrid. But there remains some differences between an iced latte and a shaken espresso. Here’s the two things to keep in mind:

More caffeine: Shaken espresso!

• A shaken espresso has an extra shot! For example, a grande iced latte has 2 shots of espresso, and a grande shaken espresso contains 3. You’re getting an extra 64 milligrams of caffeine. WOO!

Sweeter: Latte!

• As the shaken espresso has more espresso, it’ll naturally have less milk. So the latte will be a bit sweeter and milky-er.

That’s… kinda it! I felt the need to dive into the shaken espresso because I really love it! When I want an espresso beverage, but want something stronger than a latte, this is a great choice. I’ve experimented with some different combinations, but the brown sugar shaken espresso is hard to top.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my procrastination-rambling post! It’ll be a summer of caffeine for me, so I’ll see y’all later, and as always, stay caffeinated!