REVIEW: Cartel Coffee Co.
FINAL SCORE: 89.8%
*Disclaimer: I started writing this review back in the pre-Christmas days. So I wrote a BANGER of a christmas-themed intro. It is now past christmas, but I will not sacrifice the intro. Enjoy.
T’was the weekend before finals, and all through Sycamore Lane Apartments, many children were stirring, stressed, shaken; in a tizzy.
Unfinished assignments hung on our conscience without a care, with hope the TA’s would have enough goodwill to spare. My roommate in her Christmas fuzzy socks, and I (also in my Christmas fuzzy socks) had just settled down for a short late-afternoon nap, when in my little brain, there arose such a clatter: a voice urging me to escape: it yelled: “quickly! go! scatter!”
I sprung from my bed, gathered my necessities in a hurry, and escaped into the abyss. To Phoenix, I scurried. I walked for days and for nights, leaving Davis behind. All in the hopes to escape the work I’d been assigned. I neglected my finals, my papers, my grades. And when I arrived in Arizona, I chose a coffee over essays.
So, here in your inbox, I’ve generously deposited, a coffeeshop that I visited, one I pondered and audited.
1. Location: 5/5
Cartel Coffee Company, which describes itself as “Phoenix’s ultimate coffee roaster,” has 11 locations in Arizona (and one in California?). I visited the uptown location, which was snuggled next to my favorite bookstore in Phoenix, Changin Hands. Now, my understanding of Phoenix is kinda limited. I lived there before I could drive, so idrk the layout and all the hip spots.
But I WILL say this coffeeshop is right next to the best bookstore ever. Fact of the matter is, Phoenix is so spread out that no matter where you are, you are not within walking distance of everything cool. So, this location is good! Me likey.
2. Aesthetics/vibe: 9.6/10
Cartel describes the store’s vibe as “Stevie Nicks with Pitbull kickin’ it poolside.” Now, Nicks is a phoenix native (true fact), so this very well could be canon.
The store was small lil rectagular guy, but they utilized the space well, and the decor was great. There was an entire wall of merch and coffee-related knick knacks (little brewers, drippers, beans, and mugs); I appreciate caffeine dealers that also sell brewers and coffee accessories alongside their beans. The whole vibe was sleek and modern, but I like how it strayed away from the minimalist vibe that a lot of “modern”-feeling dealers tend to jump into.
Now, the staff wasn’t incredibly friendly. It was clearly a slow day for the shop, and I appeared to be the first customer in a bit. The vibe was a bit sleepy. Understandable, but per the Caffeinated Content scoring criteria, I gotta mark it a bit down for that. Sooorrryyyy
3. Coffee options: 7/10
There were three specialty drinks: a specialty matcha, a CCL (to be explained), and an espresso tonic. While three is indeed the magic number, I wish there were more options for something outside of the standard espresso drinks, but I appreciate the creativity of the options they did have.
4. Actual coffee: 19.8/20
I got the CCL. It’s kinda like a shaken espresso, in that its a quad shot of espresso shaken over ice, with coconut almond creamer and caramel.
It forkin’ SLAPPED. The coconut creamer was an awesome alternative to regular milk, and the drink as a whole was really rich with a more subtle sweetness. I’m a huge fan of a shaken espresso, and I this iteration was fresh and funky.
5. Prices: 6.5/10
Sooooo that was $7.25. Yeah. Need I say anything else?
6. Cups: 6/5
I got an iced drink, and the cup had the logo PRINTED ON. Y’all know how riled up that gets me. Consider me so, over-the-moon RILED.
FINAL SCORE: 52.9/60= 89.8%
Just barely peeking over an A-, this caffeine dealer was a good option, and I could see myself being a semi-regular customer if I still lurked around there. The prices hit me deep, and the vibe had highs and lows, but the drink was the die for.