REVIEW: Pachamama Coffee
Final Score: 70%
The events that led me to Pachamama coffee in downtown Davis are, in a word, completely uninteresting. And what am I to say? Oh, I’m sorry, should my life be an endless string of interesting inciting incidents for caffeine-fueled journeys? Well, this particular day happened to be boring; a trip to a novel caffeine dealer was my one journey. I arrived with high hopes and a craving for a latte. Folks, those are the ingredients for a Caffeinated Content review. So let’s get a-cracking.
1. Location: 2.6/5
Ouch. Brutal. Have we ever seen such a low score? Pachamama sits within spitting distance of the Davis Amtrak stop (Yes, I spat to make sure). This is ideal if you need to get your caffeine fix before a long trip, but the Davis Amtrak is 1.3 miles from my dorm. I would know- after Thanksgiving break I walked that distance with my silly pink duffel bag at 10pm after my train was delayed for 3 hours and there were no ubers available and I hated everything and my feet hurt and the frozen yogurt shop closed its doors right as I walked up to it and-
2. Aesthetic/vibe: 8/10
Verdict: vibey. Pachamama, like a few other caffeine dealers I know, prides itself on sustainability, and the store is swamped with marketing for it, but not in a cheesy or forced way. The shop is painted in a nice blue, and overall has a welcoming vibe and great staff. 1 point is deducted for seats that only face the windows/wall (no free-standing tables). This means I can’t people-watch fellow cafe-goers, but I get a nice street view for compensation.
3. Coffee options: 9/10
I felt rather spoiled in my options on this fine day, regal even (that could have just been my alter ego coming out. Yunno the cat Marie from the movie The Aristocats? Yeah her. Like this post and smash that subscribe button if you know Marie from The Aristocats.)
Oh yeah coffee options! The winter menu was great; highlights include gingerbread brulee, salted caramel latte, and criollo-cacao mocha (don’t ask; I don’t know). Interestingly enough, the regular menu was rather bare, sporting only drip coffees, cold brew, espresso, cortada, lattes, and mocha. Missing from the picture, among many others, are our friends the cappuccino, the flat white, and the americano (Click here to be reminded what these are).
4. Actual coffee: 9.9/10
Everyone and their mothers know I’m a [REDACTED] for caramel- it’s my thing! Yet, on this fine day, I shocked everyone. I asked the barista her preference between the vanilla bean latte and the salted caramel latte and she chose… the vanilla bean (*GASP*)
AND I FOLLOWED HER SUGGESTION. Indeed, I had a vanilla latte, and strange anomalies have been happening on the UC Davis campus since.
TL;DR: it was fantastic! Something to note is Pachamama used oatmilk as the default for its drinks, most caffeine dealers use 2% or whole milk. This oatmilk gave the latte a great natural sweetness, and it didn’t taste… heavy, like whole milk would have. The vanilla bean was so sweet and rich, pairing nicely with the oat-ness. Minus .1 point for ice cubes that hurt my teeth when I munched and crunched.
5. Prices: 8.5/10
They only had a small and a large- the small ran me $6, however it was 16oz, which I classify as a medium. This is a pretty meh price as far as lattes go, but I understand that the oatmilk hikes up the price a bit.
6. Cups: 4/5
My latte was iced, but they used the cup for hot drinks? My lawsuit was denied (because that’s how lawsuits work right?) so I’m settling for a 4/5 given the other cup factors. Sturdiness, logo-ed sleeve, mmmmm.
FINAL SCORE: 42/60= 70%
Babes, I gotta be honest with you. Sometimes I’ll fidget with the scores after I’ve calculated them. Oftentimes it will come from a place of “huh?? the score should be higher, this place ruled,” and I’ll adjust some individual scores accordingly.
I am shocked by a C score for this rad and non-offensive caffeine dealer. He never hurt anybody! I feel mean, like a bully almost. Taylor Swift is outside my window serenading me with her hit song “Mean,” because I am, as of this moment, mean.
But I can’t find a way to fiddle with the scores and give any restorative justice.
I think we all learned a valuable lesson today. One that has changed us- mind, body and soul, for the better. I’ll let you know when I figure out what that is.
In the meantime, stay caffeinated,
Cass
