5 coffee myths to stop believing for maximum intelligence
Fasten your seatbelts, because I’m about to get a lil niche.
The first R-rated movie I saw in cinemas- we’re talking circa 2014- was called “Lucy.” I felt rather scandalous. At this point, I had watched many R-rated films just by loitering in the living room on Saturday nights. I’m still permanently scarred from that one time I glimpsed the ending scene of “The Descent,” where the main character gets freakin’ murked by the cave monsters.
Spoilers?
Anyways, this time was special, and I had very high expectations for “Lucy,” mostly due to its premise: Scarlett Johansson discovers she can access up to 100% of her brain power, and she is dangerous.
It turned out to be one of the most disappointing movies I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why. I was 11.
And now, 8 years later, this movie maintains a weak grasp on my little brain, again solely due to its premise. Are we as humans only functioning at 40% brain capacity? Sometimes I daydream about what that extra 60% would look like. I continue to wonder: if this b.s. is actually true, and it isn’t, is there a greater capacity for intelligence lurking below our daily cognitive functions?
If there is indeed more brain power we can unlock, I believe here is a good place to start. There are many aspects in our daily lives that bamboozle, swindle, fool, make a buffoon of us. Coffee is no exception. I have compiled some myths about coffee that, if you stop believing, I swear you will become 5% closer to maximizing your hidden brain power. Oh my god I feel like WatchMojo.
1. Caffeine is addictive
I put this bad boy in #1 because I feel so passionate about it. If you want the full explanation, take a hop, skip, and jump over to my Caffeine post, where I give the full 411.
Caffeine is an “adenosine receptor antagonist,” meaning it interferes with a ribonucleoside called adenosine, and by doing so, inhibits our body from processing and expressing feelings of sleepiness. We chase this feeling of awakeness with a routine cup of brew, but there’s more than a few reasons why caffeine shouldn’t, IMO, be put in an “addictive” category alongside drugs, alcohol, or milder dependencies.
Addiction is defined as “the uncontrolled (or ‘compulsive’) use of a substance even when it causes negative consequences for the person using it.”1 Caffeine cravers can do without caffeine and will not pursue it to the exclusion of a happy life, unlike many victims of genuinely addictive drugs.
Caffeine does not function the same as those addictive drugs, neurologically speaking. Caffeine does trigger a small increase of dopamine, but not large enough to disrupt our reward circuits. Withdrawal is also mild.
TL;DR: Caffeine fosters dependency, but not addiction.
2. Caffeine= insomnia, regardless of when consumed.
If you’ve ever suffered from a sleepless night, or genuine insomnia, oftentimes caffeine is the first to be blamed. And rightfully so! Staving off sleep is kind of its whole gig…
But if you’ve ever blamed an afternoon cup for your sleepless night, you may want to look at other contributing suspects. Caffeine has a half-life; depending on when it’s consumed, it can blissfully exit your system by the time you hit the hay.
If you are extra sensitive to caffeine (likely meaning you metabolize it slowly), you can still have a morning cup at 8am. But no promises.
3. Espresso comes from espresso beans
Espresso beans don’t exist. There I said it.
Coffee comes from coffee beans, espresso comes from coffee beans, chocolate-covered espresso beans are just coffee beans.
4. Coffee stunts your growth
I don’t know where this lil’ myth started and why… but coffee does not stunt your growth!2 You’re just short, silly!
5. The longer coffee beans are roasted, the less caffeine they have
Varying the time of roasting does not alter the amount of caffeine in the beans! This is a common misconception, but when you hear why, you will see how this myth kinda makes sense.
You can’t roast more (or less) caffeine in a bean, however, light roast coffee beans are denser, because the bean loses moisture and weight while being subjected to heat. As darker roast beans are less dense but much larger, a scoop of them could have altered caffeine levels based solely on weight and size3. So… roasting changes density and size, not caffeine amounts. Roasting only serves to bring out different flavors in the lil bean.
THERE! I’ve just expanded your brain! You are now functioning at a greater intellectual capacity than you were 10 minutes ago. Do you feel smarter? Stronger? Cooler?
…No?
Oh. Kinda sounds like a you problem!
Stay caffeinated,
Cass!
NIDA. "Is Caffeine Really Addictive?." National Institute on Drug Abuse, 10 May. 2016, https://archives.drugabuse.gov/blog/post/caffeine-really-addictive. Accessed 12 Apr. 2022.
“Can Coffee Really Stunt Your Growth?” Harvard Health Publishing, 7 January 2020, https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/can-coffee-really-stunt-your-growth
“Roasting and Caffeine Content".” Partners Coffee. 19 March 2019. https://www.partnerscoffee.com/blogs/news/roasting-and-caffeine-content